she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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