Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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