im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize