she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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