Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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