When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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