An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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