you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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