what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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