He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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