I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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