I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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