i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize