After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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