what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone signed my nipple.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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