Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize