somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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