Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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