Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize