I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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