I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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