we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i believe in u and ur pee
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize