New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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