How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize