Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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