I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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