i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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