I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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