we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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