THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize