Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize