At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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