Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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