so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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