we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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