Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he thought i was a dude.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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