If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Houston, we have a blender
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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