Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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