so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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