Already got asked if we're dating
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my poor anus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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