Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
we're so committed to being not committed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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