The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize