he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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