Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize