My liver just broke up with me...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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