Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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