I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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