I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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