my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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