You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize